Under Control

Well, I put the devo on hold as I am busy with taxes and no time to write. I was covicted today, so here I am to share my latest: I stopped praying for grace. There I said this horrible thing no Christian in their right mind should do. With this realization comes better understanding of why I have failed in the past. I start off strong, deep in prayer and heavy in determination that I will obey and I will honor God by changing how I eat. My desire is to go to God for guidance on what to eat and when. It goes swimmingly for a week, maybe a week and a half. I call on grace by prayer to tackle the first round of assaults. I get revelation that they are there, how I'm being tricked to give in and indulge. Then I go into a few days of confidence that I have successfully controlled my actions. Maybe even change to monolog in my head that I am not deprived, but choosing to not indulge. 

Then I begin to entertain some thoughts of what I miss. I catch myself and reprimand with "you're choosing to not do that right now, maybe sometime in the future." But am I in control to make those daydreams come to life? Will I get to a point where I can go back to making bad food choices? The answer: I  don't know! God doesn't give me tomorrow's answers. He asks I live today, by grace through faith. 

But let's not jump ahead. Now that I am dreaming of the day I can have ice cream, I start to tell myself no. No, you are an a new path. I avoid the store. I avoid the candy in the fridge. I quickly say no when the thoughts enter my mind. I am in control and I am not doing that.

And that's usually when the tantrum hits. When life happens to derail me. When it gets just to much to go through X and not eat as I want.

This time I listened when my control kick in. Why do I live thinking the grace for last week will be enough for this week. Manna for today! I revert my prayers back to grace. I need it!

I can't journey on my own. Need my Lord. I need to walk in step with the Spirit. Repent, seek, ask!

Candy is our stash of dark chocolate that my fam enjoys. I could have a piece, but it doesn't align with where God has me right now.