Not a Mistake

I am not a mistake. 

I've said it. It's hard to say. 

Knowing that I was different. Like I didn't really belong, but not knowing why.

It was their sin they tried to hide. I don't know why she didn't just end it. It's not like she was all the moral to begin with. I shouldn't have been. I was the pariah. I grew up wondering why I wasn't lovable. Why I wasn't...

Well, this isn't to rehash old feelings from my childhood. It was to claim - despite what my parents and adults in my life did - I was created by my God. I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I was made for a purpose - a purpose to glorify my Lord forever. God doesn't make mistakes.

Those old emotions/ circumstances don't have dominion over the truth in Christ Jesus. Although I am a wretch, He loves me, choose me to by His child.

Lies vs Truth

My Opinion

I have a strong opinion. But I am often wrong. How should things be. How should I be. The elusive arrival to the perfect life. Doing it all. 

Seeing myself as the failure. The wretch who complicates things. Who is greatly disappointed with myself for not doing right, getting it right.

All that this true of me. Condemnation every day.

But I'm not to live in self condemnation. I am not the judge. It's living in my pride who truely desires to be be perfect on my own. That keeps me focused on self! I see only failure in this tiring loop.

God never asked me to have an opinion. He has asked me to trust him. Jesus was perfect in my place. Jesus lived the sinless life, centered around the Father.

I want to stop my opinion of myself. I want to lay down my pride. I want to draw nearer to Jesus so that I can be conformed to him, his love, his obediance to the Father and Scripture.

Lies vs Truth

December challenge

It seems I hit the wrong button and this didn't publish!

For the past 6 months, I have consistently challenged myself to lift weights. I am stronger and have less pain. I love the exhaustion and euphoria from it. Seeing the muscles get tone. Being able to walk without pain...well it's been a life style change.

It's December, so a difficult month to take additional lifestyle changes, but I feel like waiting until Christmas is just an excuse. Why not give it a whirl and see how I do disciplining myself. Then come January, I can double down on areas I faltered and continue the areas I was successful in.

I wrote the list below as the things I want to do...well some of the things. On one hand it seems a little long, but all of it seems doable - said on a day I am fully caffienated!

Green smoothy near daily. 

No sugary food except events.

Walk near daily. 

Up water intake.

Challenge: 30 days no caffeine drinks.